Day 942

Yesterday was hard. Nothing particularly bad happened except that my emotions decided to take a nose dive into dangerously sad territory. That’s weird right? Nothing bad happened and yet I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

This morning I woke up to my sobriety app telling me I reached a milestone. 31 months. That’s 2 years 7 months. It seems like when I’m hitting some kind of milestone like that, maybe 31 months isn’t a big deal, I don’t really know, but my emotions seem to go a little crazy with each one. My body is like ‘are we still doing this?’ and I’m like ‘yes, yes we are’.

The most interesting thing about yesterday, this supposed milestone, and my mild nervous breakdown, is that I was telling Izaak, while we were out running errands, that I had this strong urge to drink. Not necessarily for the drinking part of it, but I want to numb out. All of those sad feelings needed to go away and the only way I knew how to make that happen was to drink.

I know better than to drink, and the urge wasn’t strong enough to actually make me drink, but it also scared me how strong the pull to the bottle was. Today I woke up relieved that it’s a new day. I read a really wonderful article about happiness and it helped put a few things in perspective.

“If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

My life is pretty nice…especially nice without alcohol.

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