On this day 1 year and 5 months ago, I had my last hangover. It can’t even begin to put into words how that feels right now. No, actually I can put it into words. Incredible. Empowering. Gigantic. Amazing. Kickass.
That first year was fucking hard. The actual giving up of booze was easier than I thought, but the onslaught of every emotion and feeling was at times unbearable. It’s amazing that Izaak and I made it through. It’s amazing I made it through.
One thing I learned about sobriety is how, as a society, we are avoiding our emotions and feelings. Nobody wants to experience anything without a bottle or glass in their hand. I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating. Something good happens, let’s drink. Something bad happens, let’s drink. Tuesday happens, let’s drink. Holidays, let’s drink. Adventure, let’s drink.
But it’s not just that, it seems that everyone is trying to avoid feeling anything. I don’t know the science behind it, only what I’m witnessing. Why are we so afraid to feel hurt, sad, mad, happy, joy, and pain? These are all human emotions and add value to our experiences.
I went to India being 6 months sober. I had anxiety up the wazoo, but I still went. I took it literally one step at a time. I told myself to get to the airport. That’s your one job right now, find your gate, then it was switching planes, then it was clearing customs. Easy? No. Worth it? Yes. Would it have been harder drinking, omg absolutely.
Towards the end of my drinking travel became all about how to find booze, and not just find it, but get enough of it. A little didn’t do it anymore. I needed large quantities. India would have been a very different experience when drinking. What I love most about being sober during that experience is that I remember it all. Everything is so vivid and real.
I couldn’t ask for a better way to live my life now. Being more present and aware of every situation is not only safer, but healthier. And now we celebrate life with cookies or ice cream. Not always, sometimes we celebrate with YAY!