Day 306

It’s the Fourth of July and I remember so very clearly what last fourth of july was like. I was getting to the end of my drinking, but I wouldn’t know that for sure for another month.

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I was already drinking when we took this picture. Around 2pm I knew I was on the road to getting really drunk so I stopped for a few hours. My kids were there and I didn’t want to be that drunk in front of them. Lucky for me, I stopped because my youngest ended up really really sick and we drove him to the hospital around 4pm. He was okay! But the whole time I was sitting with him, I was freaking out that I was almost too drunk to take care of him. That scared me. A lot.

This whole time of sobriety I hadn’t really thought about what I was doing the year before until my 300 day recap. Now it’s all I can think about. That I haven’t even been sober a whole year and yet it feels like forever. I haven’t been sober through everyone’s birthdays, we are all in summer,  so I haven’t yet had a sober birthday. I don’t even remember my last sober birthday, it’s coming. But, first we celebrate my oldest turning 21….

We can also talk about the change in me physically from last year on this day. It feels and maybe looks significant too. I’ve lost 20 pounds but even better than that I have gained strength. I’m regularly running and going to yoga. My back doesn’t feel like it’s about to go out every time I do something physical.  It’s very empowering for me to see the difference. I like it.

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