Day 237

When will the knee jerk answer to stress stop being vodka? I know that for years I treated emotions with booze. If I had a feeling my response was to have a drink. Last night was one of those situations. People were being difficult. I’m struggling with some creative work. Side hustle has a challenging situation. By 9pm I was in tears. Unstoppable tears that wanted out of my face. Iz was sitting beside me and I had to control the uncontrollable crying. He has seen my ugly cry, but I didn’t want that to happen last night so I tried to put a cork in it.

Once I got my shit together I went to bed.

8 hours of sleep later, and I’m back at it. Skipping my morning run to write here and go to work early. Give another go at that creative problem. The other stuff will have to wait. It will still be there. So will the urge to drink when stressed? When does that go away? I know sobriety is still new and 7 months in I can’t expect to be all good and screaming at stress to “bring it”. I’m so not there yet, but I look forward to the time when Iz asks if there is anything I need from the store and I don’t answer “vodka”. To be clear, I only say that when I’m ultra stressed. It’s not my everyday answer.

I already feel better getting a little of that out, and there really isn’t a conclusion to this story. It is most certainly an ongoing thing, but it’s a new day so I’m going to start fresh and be open to the possibilities. I’ll talk about the other stressors at a later time. One problem at a time. I realize I didn’t really talk about my problems, but they are a little too personal and too fresh to share publicly. At least for now.

2 thoughts on “Day 237

  1. Congratulations on even months of being free from the alcohol dragon. Your question is a great one – for you it’s vodka, for me it was wine.
    You’re much further along in your sobriety journey than me so I’m not sure I can offer you anything meaningful! Over time, I’ve found new ways of dealing with stress. Like yoga and meditation. And simple things like going to bed early. Seems to be a bit of a vicious cycle… if we are tired we cannot concentrate as well, so we get a bit more stressed, so we might make bad food choices, so we might snap at people easer etc.
    Either way, your post is very inspiring and I look forward to one day making it it nine months like you.
    Love and sober hugs from New Zealand xoxo


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