This weekend we had a little BBQ for a few friends. 3 other couples came to grill and hangout. Nothing planned, just food and fun. Two of the couples we had spent a little time with in our early days of sobriety. I believe I wrote about it here. What a difference a few months make!
My comfort level about my own drinking is what changed the most. I am no longer my own elephant in the room. I feel so much more confident about my decision to be sober. My path feels so much more clear, and I am in control of more than just my drinking. I was asked this weekend if I still have cravings. Of course! But it’s rarely the need to numb feeling that I’m looking for.
This is the biggest change for me, that I realized over the weekend, is that I am no longer numbing or trying to find the fun Jenny with alcohol. Instead of searching for confidence in a glass, I have found it within myself. I know now that it was never in the bottom of a bottle. Confidence was something I needed to find in myself and cultivate for myself. Which I still am. It’s a work in progress, but it’s coming along nicely.
What I loved most about this weekend was the ability to still function after everyone left. We cleaned up the house, got in the hot tub for a soak, then made a fire in the firepit and hung out chatting. The next day we went on an 8 mile run first thing in the morning which is what kicked our asses and had us lying about the house the rest of the day.
Progress. Such a good thing.