I was going to write this in my private online journal, but I decided that I need to write it all here. Even the raw stuff. Sorry for those who don’t want to read my crazy. I’ll give you a heads up now. Move along, the crazy is out of the bag.
When I run, I listen to podcasts which I have mentioned here, I think. My go to lately has been Home Podcast. Duh. The interviews always make me think about how I would tell my story. Talking through getting sober. My mistakes. My wins. But I keep thinking I don’t know how my story ends. So when I think about my interview I hear myself talking about starting a yoga studio (formerly Studio Z. New name=new beautiful life). I talk about doing that while drunk. Not a drunk. Drunk. I was probably drunk 75% of the time there. I came in to teach so many 5:30am classes hungover. I remember times when I barely got through class before needing to go vomit. Not a proud moment.
Then I “sold” that studio to my business partner and moved to Arizona and after 6 months of being here, home alone drunk on my couch, I started Women on Adventures. I thought it would help get me sober. I thought by putting adventures on the calendar I would be forced to go out into the world and meet people, and I did. I met a lot of people. What I didn’t realize was that it wouldn’t stop me from drinking because people love to drink. Go hike, then drink. Go camp, drink. Go curling, there’s a bar in the curling club, drink. So I may have cut back on drinking because I was busy, but I still drank.
Towards the end of the drinking I went camping with WoA and I drank an entire bottle of vodka. I started at 2pm and went until 12am. Drinking. I wasn’t even hungover the next morning. I had a bloody mary then left to drive home. I was probably still drunk. In my booze haze I was embarrassed. It still took me another year before I finally got sober but it was the start of me really looking hard at my drinking.
Fast forward to day 225 sober and I keep thinking about how my interview ends. Why would anyone interview me. How does Women on Adventures end? Where is my big win? What the fuck am I doing? Right now my story is a series of drunk stories. Where is my happy ending….no, stop. That’s not what I mean.
I can’t see where to go from here which is my stalling point with WoA. What’s next. My business grew so fast in the beginning that I couldn’t keep up. Groups were popping up all over the place. Everyone wanted WoA in their area. I finally scaled it back to try to get a grasp on it, but it still keeps growing without me. I feel like it’s the horse on the trail and it’s dragging me behind it kicking and screaming. It’s a force because women are a force. They want adventure. They want to break out of those boxes telling them to stay home, drink wine, and watch Scandal. No, women are walking out the front door and living their lives in their own way. They don’t want to live in their comfort zones anymore.
I created this thing that gave women an outlet to do more than meet up for a happy hour. Once I created it people started copying it. At first, I was angry that they were stealing something I worked so hard for, but now I am excited to see even more women getting their adventure on. Clearly, this is bigger than me. Women have spoken and they want adventure.
The answer still isn’t clear for me on how I wrap up my interview. What do I say? I’m still working out the details but for me it’s a new feeling to think about how this ends. I rarely think about the goal. I usually only think about the process. I like that my brain has decided that it’s time to, not just create something, but it’s time to be very intentional about the end goal. This story is still in process so Holly and Laura feel free to interview me as a “sober work in progress”. Just kidding. Sort of.