Day 117

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I remember when I was 5 years old and dreaming of being an adult. Who does that? I never played “house”. I played “Jenny has a job and apartment in the city”. I thought I would be a stewardess, and would fly around the world visiting exotic places. I still sometimes dream about being a flight attendant, but that would never be because sometime in my teen years the fears started to set in and I became afraid of everything. Flying being one of them. Hard to be a flight attendant when you are afraid to fly.

Fear is such a funny thing. Well, not really funny when you are in the thick of a fear that holds you by the throat and refuses to let you breath, but it kind of is funny once you are over the fear. What I have learned as an adult is that if you let the fears you have grow, they will consume you, and before you know it you are 45 and haven’t done anything you dreamed of doing when you were five years old.

In 2015 I started a group to help me get over some of my fears. It has worked better than I ever imagined. Fears about leading people. Gone. Fears about making money. Gone. Rock climbing fears. Gone. Fear of heights. Gone. All I had to do was start doing.

There are two big fears I am still holding onto with a death grip. Ever fiber of my body is telling me I am going to DIE if I do these two things. The first one is camping alone. We’ll talk about that later. The second one is international travel alone. Specifically, India.

India has been on my list of things to do for years and years. Probably closer to 15-20 years. Traveling to a country where I don’t speak the language is terrifying. Traveling to a country that everyone says is chaotic, smelly, dirty, full of pickpockets, and more. I have to have shots, antibiotics, locks for my backpack, locks for my hotel door, and more. UGH. And then I hear the other stories about love, joy, happiness, beauty, friendship, and more. People seem to love India or hate it. I have yet to meet someone who is all “meh” about India. But why didn’t I pick a lovely beach in Greece as my international? Perhaps a cabin in the wood in the Swiss alps where the cabin owner picks me up at the airport and whisks me away to a warm fireplace and cup of hot coffee. I need challenged, and I need to get over this fear. I want it gone.

So on March 4th I’ll be on a plane to New Delhi.

8 thoughts on “Day 117

  1. Hooray! What a lovely way to face your fears – “just doing.” I think I’d be a little fearful of traveling to India alone, but something tells me you’re going to enjoy it very much – or, at least, figure out how you feel about India, and release yourself of those fears at the same time. Congrats. 🙂

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      1. Yes, I do want to go. And no I haven’t been, if it were March 2018, I would totally be on board. I’m going to Spain in April. You’ll meet people. It’ll be good. There’s this app I found for free that is full of travel tips in India. I think it’s called Holidify.

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