I had a HUGE meltdown today. Stormed out of the house and drove away angry, with my shoes in my hands, not really knowing where to go. I am not a bar person, I prefer to drink alone at home where I can’t get into trouble, but as I drove down the road going to the bar was my first thought. I went to the bookstore instead. I read books about sobriety. Then I went to Arby’s and got an order of mozzarella sticks, and a big Dr. Pepper, and sat in the shopping plaza parking lot eating fried cheese and drinking sugar.
I’ve been sleeping a lot. Sleeping really hard at night, but then needing naps in the afternoon as well. Today I think I slept 2 or 3 hours once I got back home from my tantrum, and I’m still feeling tired now. Last night I had dreams about getting drunk. I was so frustrated with myself in my dream that I started crying saying I would have to start all over again. Four days wasted. Maybe that is what prompted the emotional upheaval of the day. Maybe I’m going to be a hot mess for a long time.
Other than emotional messiness there isn’t that much to tell, so I’ll leave you with photos from our adventures today.
Axl helping me do yoga this morning. You can’t see here but he has a monkey in his mouth. Not a real one! That would be gross. A stuffed blue one.
Axl and I on a cool stripey rock up around Payson, AZ. I like the stubborn plant growing in the rock.
And for your visual pleasure, the tiny toilet by the side of the road. I requested a pants down version but someone was feeling a bit shy today.