Anxiety is an asshole.
You can go away now. We are done. I have stopped drinking and now you need to step aside and let me feel normal. You hear me? Step off! We’re over!
I’ve been full up on irritability and anxiety today. I’m trying to keep a good self care practice, but it hit me pretty hard this afternoon.
Perhaps getting up super early, around 4:45, to go out to Canyon lake for SUP yoga did it. I haven’t been practicing yoga regularly for a few months, and I have only been on my board two or three times this whole year. Yoga on my SUP was great and challenging. Maybe even anxiety inducing? But the morning was beautiful. I may have felt a little frustration with myself that wasn’t as strong as I would like, but in all honesty it is to be expected considering what I’ve been up to lately :::cough::: drinking :::cough:::
Sidenote: After yoga, my friend and I grabbed brunch at Mickey D’s Cafe in Apache Junction. I had the hillbilly hashbrowns, and while they may not look pretty, I assure you this is a plate of happiness for a hashbrown loving girl. A big plate of hashbrowns, layered in cheese (my addition), with a biscuit, covered in gravy, and topped with an egg. Heaven. Mind you, this is a half order! I would say worth the $10 with added side of bacon. Bloody mary would have been my go to with this fabulous breakfast, but for reasons we are clearly talking about a lot on this blog, not an option today and not just because they didn’t have them on the menu.
Enough about food, back to the anxiety. I have been experiencing anxiety in one form or another for more years than I care to count. It has been worse lately so I was feeling a bit frustrated today about it. I’m doing the right thing. I’m getting sober. Why am I feeling it so hard and heavy now. Oh, thanks WebMD for the clarity on the subject (don’t you love self diagnosing?):
Now that I know how much I was messing up my body, I can now work on bringing it back to normal. At least, my own version of normal.
If not drinking brings my anxiety under control, I’m not sure I’ll want to ever drink again. This one year of drinking may end up being a lifetime of not drinking.